Neutral awareness

Back in to my new normal routine today.  That is, consciously creating what I want to do and when I want to do it.  Exploring the possibilities for future work and running through my task list for manifesting the shop space.

And as I wrote that I took a deep breath and let out a sigh of joy intermingled with relief.  It feels good to be active again.  To be moving my body about and focussing on creating something meaningful.

However I am mindful of what I am saying here. Observant.  I am aware that what I am expressing is related to a feeling of confinement and restriction and I am acknowledging that my experience of this is entirely subject to how I chose to relate to it.  Confinement, restriction. Even saying the words creates tension in my body and I find myself taking shallower breaths.  It is work to be progressed and processed as these charged feelings are part of the cycle of running about like an excited labrador, filling my days with activity and then slamming on the brakes.

Then getting stuck. In more ways than one.

Before you think I am beating myself up here that is not my intention.  I can feel that the cycle is changing, its stages are still there but taking less time and in fact less energy and, most importantly, I am aware. Of course there is an ego awareness ready to beat me with a stick for not getting it yet but behind that is that neutral observer.  Sometimes you have to get through a few ego layers to find her but I know she is there.

My inner best unconditionally loving friend …just watching.

Published by Kirstie Sivapalan

Writer. Poet. Indie Kid. Crystal Lady. Pisces. Enthuser. Cheerleader. Helper. Geordie Londoner. Sharer of stuff I know. Sometimes found working in HR (but not very often) Oh, and #spoonie, living with ME/CFS. That about covers it.

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