“They” said running a shop would be hard work, this I knew and was ready for but like a lot of things attempted for the first time not something you can completely prepare for either on an emotional or practical level.
And it is, at times, tough going. Sometimes the sheer volume of tasks takes my breath away and my brain is back at the ZX Spectrum speed scratching its head to find a frame of reference in which to process what is going on.
But tough as it can be oh its great. It’s a wonderful kind of toughness doing what you love. The extra exertion, the dynamism, the difference. Finding emotional, spiritual and mental (and in some cases phsyical!) muscles in places you didn’t know existed.
And under that magnificent pile, a twinkling insight. That the fear of relapsing into symptomatic M.E
Now I find msyelf to be what a “normal” person (that is to me a person not living with chronic or acute conditions, a reference term for achieving a different state) would consider tired after a long day. What a revelation and a blessed relief.
So whilst there remains a palatial size shed-load to do and I’m sure lovely Mercury will have some fun with that, today I choose to be grateful. Grateful for my work, grateful for its toughness and grateful that I am fit and well to have this experience. And with it, this life. ✨