Birthday surprises

That stern and serious guide who appeared at the beginning of the year in my ethereal shop was present at my Solar return yesterday.  On my birthday, the day of “Must-be-nice-to-me” I get a lesson.  What lovely timing.

It was a great day in the main, spending it with the Aquarian who had planned surprises and treats one of which was a game.  Where he finds these things amazes me, but that’s Aquarians for you, their minds know no bounds! In this game we were locked in a room and had to find and decode clues to get out. Whilst a clock counted down from 60 minutes.  Fans of the Crystal Maze and those who remember The Adventure Game (Lesely Judd is the mole) might recognise the format.

And I was AW-FUL. I couldn’t figure out the clues, we needed so many hints and the timer ran out.  Complete and total FAIL-URE. Not only that but certain shadow qualities I thought I had already surfaced and transmuted showed themselves to still be happily ensconced within, buried deep.  And up they came.  Competitiveness, Intellectual arrogance, Fear of failure, Criticism were the main suspects and they had a ball.  Their own birthday treat and my birthday surprise.  And of course, who was presiding over all of them? Well that would be Judgement.

Sigh. Not what you would call my “best self”. (Yes I know what I did there)

Because that is my lesson.  I remember when I was on the first day of my crystal healing course and I, of course, wanted to be the best at it,  have the best experiences, and be praised by teacher.  On day two I laughed about that because there is no best, no worst, no anything.  The energies are energies, no adjective needed, and trying to be the best was ego getting in the way,  confusing and obscuring the channels.  And its the same at any point of walking this path.  I do not need to be my best self, just my own messy, moody, changeable, impulsive, hopeful, committed, love-practising self.

Authenticity. They don’t ask for anything more than that.

Often this is one of the biggest traps us “spiritual path”-walking folk fall into.  The desire to be in a world full of love, light, compassion, happiness, self-awareness, kindness can be incredibly strong and with it comes almost like an instruction, a dicate to always be that person.  The shiny, happy one. Because we get that it’s all about love, and being loving and that’s what we need to do…right?

So having something now and then that knocks me down a peg or two, that brings the hidden to the surface, reminding me of the true nature of authenticity, is a blessing.

Even on my birthday.

 

 

Published by Kirstie Sivapalan

Writer. Poet. Indie Kid. Crystal Lady. Pisces. Enthuser. Cheerleader. Helper. Geordie Londoner. Sharer of stuff I know. Sometimes found working in HR (but not very often) Oh, and #spoonie, living with ME/CFS. That about covers it.

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