Feeling a little better today but decided against struggling into and through work in favour of staying restful. One thing I know these bouts of illness test me with is how I deal with my compulsion to not want to let people down.
I am sure this comes from my concentration of Piscean energy and I imagine its also helped along by the Moon in Virgo. They may be almost in opposition in my chart but in this I think they are united on opposite ends of the spectrum in providing me with challenges around being helpful.
Or helpfulitis as I like to call it.
Something I think we all catch now and again usually when our help has either not been asked for and/or is not in our own best interests. It is the ego cleverly presenting itself as compassion when all the while its looking to feed its feelings of martyrdom.
According to my exercise therapist this is a common trait of people with M.E. I’m not sure about lumping everybody else in on that basis but for me, yep, this is true. Pushing myself or ignoring my body in order that the other person or persons has a better experience. Or rather does not experience less because of me. (Because that’s my job of course)
But I am not feeling sorry for myself here. Well i am a little because I haven’t stopped sneezing for three days straight, but not on account of helpfulitis. It’s one of the lessons I am continuously presented with in various guises, one I believe I willingly signed up for on a soul level.
Maybe this is what I was meant to reflect upon from under my duvet. I’m about to dive into the development of a project focussed on helping. The opportunity to come down with several bouts of helpfulitis is pretty substantial.
So before I do I better figure out who I am really helping in the long run.
My ego or my spirit.