Well the day to balance out has turned into three although working instead of resting probably didn’t help yesterday.
But I am reminded that the last time I felt this way was when I decided to start this blog so it all feels part of what’s meant to be.
In fact I am being blessed with vivid dreams and visuals while I rest. This is handy as I also currently have an inability to stay awake.
As I lay in bed this afternoon I turned to Eckhart again and listened in my soporific state to one of his podcasts on consciousness. A lovely voice to listen to and wisdom I am happy to receive. Then I realised outside of holidays and being too unwell to do anything else, this was the only time I’d allow myself to do something like that. There’s a reason I’ve had this podcast for four years…
Somewhere deep inside that programme of “must be productive” was still running and whilst I’ve added meditation to the approved list, things like podcasts and just sitting still and doing nothing are still seen as indulgences. Things I would be allowed to do if I’d done enough “work”. Hmmm. Still some doing conditioning in there. I wonder what else is stuck on the indulgent list?
Not a question that needs answering (not that I could today anyway) just one to sit with, or in my case sleep.